I will give you a daily update about my eats. Today (or actually yestterday) was a disaster. I binged and purged, surprise surprise!(NOT)

11:00 Breakfast:
half a banana
250 grams fat free yoghurt
drizzle of honey
some raspberries (love them)
handfull of almonds
2 tablespoons of muesli

12:30 Snack:
5 snack-tomatoes

13:30 lunch
sandwich with goat cheese and tomato sauce

17:00 dinner
goat cheese salad with 1/4 avocado, lettuce, snack-tomatoes, pesto & vinegar.

17:30 dessert
pudding with raspberries
3 handfull of grapes

By that time I felt so full bulimia started yelling in my ear: “just pig out, it does not matter any more, you already screwed up today you fat cow!” and what did I? Yes, you guessed rijght, I gave in….

Binge:
2 whole apple pies
2 large portions of french fries with wayyyyyy too much salt and sauce.
3 large meatballs also with wayyy too much sauce.
1 big bag of m&m’s
1 box of chocolates

I decided to be totally honest and open about my binges, it is hard, it is emberassing, but I hope this will help me realise I need to get out of this habit..

I have said it so many times: this is the day I start my recovery, the day I don’t look back, the day I start living… Well today will be that day again:)

I am starting this blog to let you into my life, a life with bulimia. Actually I should say a life recovering from bulimia.

Let’s introduce you to her first. She is the beast living inside of me. Yelling at me that I am too fat, too ugly, too shy, too stupid, too chaotic to ever be succesful in life.

Moreover she tells me to eat, eat more, eat junk, eat sugar,fat & salt. Afterwards she yells at me for being so stupid! She yells saying I was already fat and now I am now even more fat, ugly and pathetic! She yells at me saying to throw up, more, more more!!! As you see bulimia is not very kind nor fair. Bulimia is a B*TCH. She gets stronger everytime I listen to her so I try to ignore her, but she keeps on yelling into my ear: you are fat, you are worthless… The more I ignore her the louder she yells: BINGE BINGE BINGE PURGE PURGE PURGE, I KNOW YOU WAN”T TO! She is so spoiled, as every time I give in to her needs…. As it is simply easier to give in than to resist…

She is trying to put me down, trying to beat me up, trying to let me give up, but I WON’T!!!

Now about me: I am 22 years old, living with the B*TCH named bulimia for 6 years already. We have had some b*tchfights but she always won in the end. This time will be different, this time I will be prepared for the sneaky attacks and her strong voice, this time I WILL BE THE WINNER!!!

I have started over and over and over again. I did not give up and I simply refuse to ever give up. I have the right to be happy, I have the right to be healthy, I have the right to feel beautiful and I am gonna claim that right from today!